There is a very special type of genius in Malaysia. Not the kind that invents things, not the kind that builds companies, not the kind that writes books. No, I’m talking about a different category of genius.
The Double Parking Genius.
This person believes that hazard lights are a magical legal document that transforms illegal parking into a temporary, morally acceptable life decision. Put hazard lights, suddenly rules don’t apply. Suddenly the road belongs to your father. Suddenly everyone else must adjust their life because you want to buy bubble tea for “five minutes.”
Five minutes in Malaysia is a very flexible unit of time. Five minutes can mean:
– 5 minutes
– 20 minutes
– 45 minutes
– Until the shop close
So recently there was a case: a woman couldn’t exit because someone double parked and blocked her car. She got angry, damaged the blocking car, and then — plot twist — she was the one who had to apologize.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, perfectly summarizes modern society:
The person who causes the problem becomes the victim.
The person who reacts to the problem becomes the criminal.
Amazing system. Truly world class.
Let’s be clear. Damaging someone’s car is wrong. Of course it’s wrong. We are not animals. We are civilized people. We solve problems properly.
But let’s not pretend the double parker is innocent like a newborn baby also.
Double parking is one of the most selfish social behaviors ever invented. It basically means:
“I will inconvenience 10 people so I can save 30 seconds of walking.”
That’s the entire philosophy.
These people always have the same script:
“Just five minutes.”
“I put my number what.”
“You call me lah.”
“Why so angry?”
“Cannot wait ah?”
Ah yes. The famous Malaysian solution: Your problem becomes my phone call.
You block my car, I must call you.
You create problem, I must solve problem.
You wrong, I must be patient.
If I block your house gate and say “Bro I go makan first, you call me when you want to come out,” you okay or not?
Double parking is not parking. Double parking is temporary kidnapping of someone else’s car.
And the funniest part is the mentality. People who double park always think the problem is small. But it is small only because they are not the victim.
When they kena block, suddenly:
“Eh this is very irresponsible lah!”
“People got emergency how?”
“People need go work how?”
“People got children how?”
Oh now you understand ah? When you do it, small matter. When people do it to you, national crisis.
This is the Malaysian attitude problem in one story:
Rules for you. Convenience for me.
And then when something happens — scratch car, argument, viral video — everyone suddenly becomes a philosopher.
“Must be patient.”
“Must be calm.”
“Must be civilized.”
Yes, correct. But civilization also means don’t block people in the first place.
You cannot create a stupid situation and then expect everyone else to react intelligently.
If you throw a stone into a hornet’s nest, don’t act surprised when things start flying around.
The real issue here is not the woman, not the car, not the apology. The real issue is Malaysian social attitude: Too many people think public space is private space.
Road is public. Parking is public. But behavior is private mentality:
“As long as convenient for me, it’s okay.”
That’s why we have:
– Double parking
– Triple parking
– Parking at OKU spot
– Parking in front of gate
– Parking at yellow line
– Parking at junction
– Parking at “No Parking” sign (the sign is apparently decoration)
Then when kena saman or kena tow, suddenly say:
“Why so strict?”
Because if not strict, everyone will do whatever they want. Oh wait — that’s already happening.
So in this story, yes, damaging the car is wrong. But let’s not act like the double parker is some innocent victim of random violence. This whole situation started because of one simple Malaysian disease:
“I do first. I think later.”
And now the whole country arguing about who is right, who is wrong, who should apologize.
Here’s a radical idea:
Maybe the easiest way to avoid your car getting scratched, dented, keyed, cursed, and viral on Facebook is very simple.
Don’t block other people’s car and disappear like a magician.
Because patience is a beautiful thing.
But double parking is a very effective way to test how much patience a stranger has left after a long day of work, traffic jam, boss shouting, petrol price naik, and life problems.
You block the wrong person on the wrong day, you are not testing parking rules anymore.
You are testing human anger management.
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